It’s Only A Coffin, Karen

by Doctor Invisible

Before anyone feels the need to nitpick, I know that caskets are rectangle and coffin’s taper at the head. Okay, now that that’s out of the way, I should explain myself and why I’m interrupting my July break. I’m only taking a break from my ASM original anthology podcast “The Turn of Night” but I never stop working, really. Nevertheless, the point of this guest (ghost?) op-ed is due to a recent event that’s been brought to my attention.

You see, there’s a lovely lady in St. Catharines, Ontario named Christina Calbury. She’s a mom, and a hard worker. She loves rock’n roll music and horror movies. Most of all, she’s talented and creative. So much so, that her creativity has seemed to ruffle the feathers of certain members of her community. Christina has turned a casket into a flower bed. I’ve known people over the years who’ve used similar death cradles as coffee tables and as storage for books and movies. After all, isn’t that what the original purpose is, storage? Storage for a body. This particular piece of funerary craftsmanship has been placed in her front yard and she’s filled it with a very lovely arrangement of flowers.

In a previous article here on ASM, a young artist named “Print Stock Patrick” detailed his woes when gathering footage and pictures in public for various multi-media projects. He, among many others, call these woes “Karen.” Some offended eyes have told Christina that she is breaking certain bylaws regarding…..the use of a casket in her yard as a decoration? What bylaw is that? I have never heard of any such rule and doubt that there are any legal ramifications that Miss Calbury will face. I do have my suspicions over what has triggered said townsfolk and it’s downright ridiculous.

Number 1; Respect for the dead. In the case of a final resting place, desecrating a persons grave is not only largely frowned upon, but absolutely illegal and carries a stint in the joint if found guilty. But using an empty and legally purchased casket for another purpose is not disrespecting anyone, alive or dead. Those are flowers, not someone’s corpse. There’s not even a name on it or an effigy resembling someone who currently resides on Earth or has moved beyond the pale. Although, I do hope she decorates it as such for the upcoming and hopefully, fully vaccinated Halloween season. *WINK*

Number 2; Superstition. Are the Karen’s, Darren’s, and Standard Chad’s all afflicted with necrophobia? I’m not making light of a persons inner anguish, but it seems to me like this a mere case (case-ket ahahahahaha!) of being offended. Entitled or offended, this is about as logical as the episode of Sanford & Son when Lamont buys empty coffins and Fred refuses to sleep in the house that night, instead opting to bunk in the back of that old truck. A sitcom in the 1970’s has all but shot down the paranormal power of metal, wood, and upholstery materials. It’s not on your property and it’s not your flowers growing there. Maybe if you decide to shuffle off this mortal coil, Christina will sell it to you for a modest price but then she’d be losing out on such an interesting yard piece. By the way, kudos on the green thumb! This is as about as morbid as a bounce castle or a day at the beach.

All in all, it’s a receptacle. An inanimate object. A box. It’s not a symbol of hatred. One perspective might be to look at the life growing inside of something that is often regarded as a symbol of death. Another idea would be to mind your own business. I always end my podcast with the tagline “The lights are on as the evening shadows are creeping in.” Well, if an offended party got inside the casket and closed the lid, you wouldn’t even know that they are there! Ha! Lastly, good for you Christina Calbury. Stand your ground!

See you in August,

Doctor Invisible